The First Step: Sometimes a hard one to take
First-Step Blues:
do you get those now and then yourself? Like, there you are with this terrific
goal, one you are So ready to go after. But even though this goal
feels both bold and exciting, you find yourself spinning your wheels
instead.
Maybe you tidy your desk, for example, or purge a drawer or two
and then the pantry besides. This would be after you write to your kids, plus all of your siblings and cousins...and also groom the pets and wash
the car(s).
Those outcomes
are the good news. The bad news is that, as you beaver away at such
tasks, your true goal hovers off in the distance. Although maybe still
reachable, it's also no closer than before. Plus, being stuck like this is driving you nuts; for one thing, perhaps you're more concerned about the passage of time than you may once have been.
Could DDIs be barring you from your first step?
Say hello to the don’t-do-its (DDIs), which often take the form of messages our egos whisper when we have a bold but perhaps somewhat scary idea. Or the remarks of
a grudging associate: “don’t bite off more than
you can chew,” etc. Even those who love us may sometimes pass along such messages when
trying to protect us.
If you don't watch it, though, these and other DDIs could keep you hovering endlessly at the starting line. They might, for example, sound something like this...
*Don’t
go back to school; by the time you finish, you'll be Old.
*Don’t waste
your time inventing things; you’ll just get ripped off anyway.
*Don’t take
tap-dancing lessons; people your age break
ankles/legs doing that!
*Don’t take risks; you’ll fall on your face/make a fool of yourself.
Serious Consequences
Even when
well intentioned, which not all may be, DDIs are generally just
another form of head-trash. We can say the same for their siblings, CDI (can’t do it)
and SDI (shouldn’t do it). SDIs from religious figures/groups can be
particularly powerful and dampening for some, as can those from
family members and/or friends—and even ourselves. So, stay alert if that's not the way you want to live your life.
In fact, it's good to
get (and stay) very clear about who's the "decider" with regard
to your own life. If that's going to be you, how much time will you have for the Terrible Trio?
Possibly not
much, right? For the only person with genuine authority to Don't, Can't, or Shouldn't you is yourself...unless you cede that authority to someone else.
Particularly at this stage of your life, "should" you be doing that?
Sure,
some things you try may not pan out the way you expect. Well boo-hoo, right? Besides, what looks like failure right now might with
some tinkering morph into something even better than your original
quest.
But fear of any failure (or embarrassment) whatever can keep you
from taking even the first step toward something cool—although
perhaps also challenging or scary. By playing it safe, though, you'll generally have to settle
for less than you really want…although (possibly) as much as someone else wants
you to have and also way less than you’re capable
of.
Is That Really Enough for You?
As you consider the question, perhaps ask yourself this: If you belly-flop now and then, so what? Why should the views of others hold You back from a genuine goal or quest? What if, instead, you take the first step(s) toward the claps and cheers or those quiet moments of great satisfaction...and then just keep going. Because who "wins" when you don't hold the reins yourself? Plus, it just ain't the real you, is it?
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